Over the past four posts (and this makes five), I have been attempting to shine some light on why teen girls in particular can become vulnerable to sex predators (this pertains to teen boys as well, just not in as great of numbers). We started out by taking look at a girl who willingly hooked-up with a man she met on social media only to be sexually abused. We then wound our way toward a consideration of cultural factors that may have contributed to her taking such a risk in the first place.
I want to conclude this little thread by taking a look at one more cultural factor… one that in my experience has proven challenging for teens and adults alike to consider. Regardless, it’s a cultural factor that now has a profound impact on the developing sexual attitudes and practices of teens. And of course what I’m referring to is pornography.
[NOTE: Just so you’re aware, the quotes that follow are again culled from Peggy Orenstein’s book “Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape”. As I’m sure you’ve surmised, this work has become a rather influential resource for me and I can’t recommend it highly enough.]
Let me start with some of what my research on porn has uncovered:
Pornography has become a $97 billion global industry, systematically grooming huge numbers of boys to become future buyers of sex in person and on video.
Over 40% of children ages 10 to 17 have been exposed to porn online, many accidentally. In discussions I have had with teens, a great percentage weren’t even looking for it. They were just online searching a topic and porn seemingly found them!
Boys ages 12-17 are among the biggest consumers of pornography.
By college, 90% of men and one-third of women had viewed porn during the preceding year.
Increasingly girls are actively watching porn, with some of the female performers garnering a celebrity status. As they become role models, the girls seek to act like them. Orenstein writes, “On one hand, the girls I met knew porn was about as realistic as pro wrestling, but that didn’t stop them from consulting it as a guide. One 11th-grader confided, ‘I watch porn because I’m a virgin and I want to figure out how sex works.’”
OK, so it’s a HUGE multi-billion dollar industry with an increasing number of boys AND girls not only viewing, but emulating what they see. And what exactly does it depict?
Pornography is devoid of tenderness, caring, or loving in its images. It teaches that girls and women want and enjoy being sexually used, dominated, and humiliated by men. Furthermore, it turns women into objects of lust to be treated solely as a means for the man’s sexual gratification.
If the porn user dates, typically it is only a matter of time before he becomes more physical with his dating partner. It encourages him to try out the harmful fantasies that porn offers, including the fantasy that women secretly want to be taken forcibly or that they want to be raped. “Boys think they’re supposed to do this hammer-in-and-out thing and that’s what girls like. They don’t realize, ‘Dude, that does not feel good.’ It’s all they know. It’s what they see.” (from Girls & Sex)
So what’s to be done… what are we to conclude from all of this? Quite honestly, I’m not sure. In no way do I profess to be a wise sage who has some sort of magical answer. My intent with these past several posts was simply to inform. If you’re anything like me, some of the new sexual landscape may have served to downright shock you. My objective was to provide you with some awareness of what teens are dealing with in their world and I think I have accomplished that. But sorry, I just don’t have any wise advice to offer as a bottom-line.
However, I DO want to leave for your consideration a possible metaphor to be used with youth… one to replace the tired old baseball metaphor. Al Vernacchio, a Philadelphia educator, was profiled in The New York Times Magazine in 2011. In the article he compared sex to ordering a pizza. Quoting one final time from Peggy Orenstein:
“Both boys and girls start with an internal desire: with hunger, with appetite. In both cases, you may decide, for any number of reasons, that it’s not the right time to indulge. However, if you do proceed, there should be some discussion, some negotiation: maybe you like pepperoni and your dining companion doesn’t, so you go halfsies, or agree that one person will get his pick next time, or choose a different topping altogether. In other words, there is a good-faith effort to satisfy everyone involved. There is no rounding the bases metaphor, no striking out. The emphases are on desire, mutual consent, communication, collaboration, process, and shared enjoyment.”
And perhaps it is THIS that we should be hammering home with our teens… a metaphor germane to both the times and their lives… a metaphor that honors gender equality, NOT gender dominance.
Next time I plan on leaving this topic and moving in a different direction. Till then…
North Central Ohio Justice Coalition 